Yes it's a blog – but you knew that

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

A dark and stormy party

H/T Badtux

This is why it is so hard not to be in a continuous funk. Even if some still fell through the cracks, easily available health care, including mental health care, ending this ridiculous war on drugs and providing financial help to those who either don’t have the tools or ability to cope “normally” would be so much better.

The ongoing conservative approach to just let anyone who does not live up to their ideals just die a slow and painful death is their worst trait.


Written by Ruckus

February 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Posted in Uncategorized


Someone on blog that I follow lost his grandfather yesterday. I didn’t think it was appropriate to discuss on that blog but it made me think about losing those around us.
Losing those around you is probably the hardest part of growing up, right up there with learning to be responsible, sensible, or whatever the hell else it is we’re supposed to do as we get older.
It always amazes me that humans have such varied responses to losing a loved one. So I was wondering if we get somewhat accepting of the loss and I remembered my own grandparents. My maternal grandfather died 13 years before I was born, a few years before my parents had even met. My maternal grandmother died when I was 10 or 11. I really did not know her well at all but my older sister told me a lot about her. My paternal grandmother died when I was 15-16 years old but I had had a chance to know her. She was a sweetheart with a real mischievous side, so this hit me harder than my other grandmother. Her husband died when I was 25, from cancer. I had worked with him for a few years and so I probably knew him best. I visited him in the hospital almost every day and we talked like two friends, both of whom knew the end was near. Don’t know if it means anything but I noticed that the older I got and the more I knew someone the harder it was to see them go.

Wrote this 2 years ago and have no idea why I hadn’t posted it.

Written by Ruckus

January 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

A little late, Veterans Day 2010

I have not posted here for a while because life is going by and I get too melancholy some times thinking much about it. This is a comment at balloon-juice to the post by Tom Levenson about Veterans Day 2010. I was wasting time on the computer today and came across it. It is part of makes me who and what I am today so I thought it would fit in here.

Thanks for the great posts.
They stir up things in my head that I try to, if not forget, to try to diminish their brightness. These are not bad things on their own but they bring back memories of times and things I don’t normally feel the need to be reminded of. But every once in a while it is good to dust off the old internal history brain and remind oneself not just who and where we are but how we got here. Thank you for that. And all the commenters as well.

There are many things in these posts to jog memories that I had not heard or read in a long time. Someone asked me if I would be celebrating Veterans Day and I said I normally don’t. Like many here who served in the military, I served my time during warfare and even though I wasn’t sent to combat I could have easily been. I went where I was sent, did what I was told. There is no honor in that, only duty. But there is much more honor in doing that then sending humans to wage needless war and far more honor than that in demanding that other people send humans to wage needless war that will never affect them directly. I did spend 2 months in a hospital with Marines who fought in Vietnam and the first person stories are as much warfare as I need. The look in the eyes of these men would tear out your heart. The words they spoke are even more haunting. Thinking about it affects me greatly just trying to type this and it has been almost 40 years. The average age of these men was probably 20-22 years old. I wonder what these decades of that pain has done to them? To their lives? To their families? I know what my limited contact to it has done to me. And I know why many vets spend their lives trying to forget the horrible things they know.

Written by Ruckus

December 5, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Posted in Uncategorized


I finally figured it out. I still hope for good outcomes in life, but I have no expectations that anything good will happen. I don’t know when this lack of expectations started but I think I’ve arrived at the no expectations threshold. It’s not a depressing thing and maybe I’ll get back to my old Pollyanna ideals some day, but not now.

The glass is not half full or half empty, there is no glass to fill. The good part is not the lack of expectations but the realization that I don’t need any expectations to get up in the morning nor to work all day. Every day is just another day. The sun comes up, the sun goes down. Rinse, repeat…

I have friends who still have expectations, both for themselves and for me. But I just don’t get it anymore. I wonder if this is just getting old(er) or have I just reached the no expectation zone due to the crap around me. If it’s just the crap then it’s possible I’m just temporally miserable. Otherwise I’m just a miserable old fuck. Either way I see a theme here.

I have one friend who keeps telling me things I need to do to improve my situation. He still has expectations. He can’t understand that I don’t.

Written by Ruckus

March 5, 2010 at 2:27 am

Posted in Uncategorized


I can not imagine what Haiti is like right now. I doubt that very many people could either. This poor country has been hit by so many natural disasters, political upheavals, and just plain crappy luck. They are getting over major hurricanes 5 and 2 years ago. And now a 7.0 earthquake.

I urge you to give what you can. All the agencies are asking for money instead of stuff so here is a number of places

American Friends Service Committee

Red Cross


Dr. Without Borders

Written by Ruckus

January 14, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Posted in Public Service

A Better Day

So today I took in a rescue dog. A senior rescue at about 10 yrs. I figure two old farts in the same house is better than one. Don’t actually know why that would be but what the hell. Because the dog is for all intents and purpose older than me, it’s more like having a new roommate, one who pees on whatever smells like it needs to be peed on.

Written by Ruckus

January 10, 2010 at 7:21 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

What’s next?

Don’t know about anyone else but I’m pretty discouraged today. And yesterday and the day before that. The economy still sucks, the country is still loosing jobs left, right and center, people are running out of unemployment benefits (and I’m not even eligible because I’m self-employed, so I’ve got that to look forward to), it looks like this will last at least another year, most likely two. I have no health care, although it is possible that I may qualify for VA benefits, because the economy and I are doing so badly.
So I ask anyone who may be reading, what do we do now? How do we make it through the rest of the Great Recession? I have no land on which to grow or raise food. I have no one to lean against, and viewed another way, I have no one to lean against me, either. Now I know that there are many in the same or similar predicaments and I ask again, what do we do?

Written by Ruckus

October 11, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Posted in Uncategorized